my mouth tastes like poor choices
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
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