At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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