I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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