im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
