Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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