In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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