I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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