he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
