hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.