bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
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just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
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Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.