hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.