I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
hey u leave my anime porn out of this