Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I have tasted many bathrooms
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
