hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
