i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
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