Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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