: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
