theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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