I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
