Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
