it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
