put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
