Sponge bath it is.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
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I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
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So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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