dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I party with great urgency now.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
