Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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