apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
