I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
