Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
