I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
