Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
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