Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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