I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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