Can Purell be used as lube?
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
