Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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