I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
