if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
