Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
