well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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