**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
