she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
i want to swaddle you in tequila
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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