I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
