i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
