Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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