you traded sex for a burrito?
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
