just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
