it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
