you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
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You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
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Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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