OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
