so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Randomize
