I showed him my bush... on skype.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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