Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
