honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
