The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
