Christians are straight up FREAKS
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
