Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
