is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
