even my farts smell like vagina
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
