Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize