went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
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