I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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