so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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