So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
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If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
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