i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
