I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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