There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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