She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
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