Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
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