His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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