By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
you never un-have a 4some
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
