i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
