i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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